Texas Monthly is one of my very favorite magazines….along with Real Simple, Martha Stewart, Domino, Consumer Reports, US Weekly….ok, so it is a fairly large category. While I enjoyed reading Texas Monthly while I was still living in Texas, I have some to appreciate it so much more now that we are away. It’s my little piece of home, courtesy of the United States Post Office, every month. (Technically, the subscription is Rell’s, but luckily he shares!)
We just got our most recent issue of Texas Monthly…..worth mentioning is last months issues which was the Bum Steer Awards, by far the best issue of the year. Every Texan should read that issue!! I should mention that I never read magazines front cover to back cover….I usually open up to a page and starts from their reading random articles, or a read back cover to front cover….I dont know why, I have just always done that! Anyways, I randomly open up Texas Monthly and strike gold – my favorite column – “The Texanist” which is basically a Q&A column of just about anything related to Texas-ish type stuff that readers send in. I actually started reading page two of this article and the first two questions I read were laugh out loud funny…..so I thought I would share them on this blog for those of you that dont get Texas Monthly….
Q: Why is it so hard to find queso dip at resturants on the East Coast? In the simplest form, its just Velveta and Rotel, and those ingredients are avilable at any grocery store. But I dont know of any Mexican or Tex Mex style restaurant out here that serves it. What Gives? Signed, Katy M. of Arlington Virginia.
A: What gives? The Texanist will tell you what gives. Katy M is not getting the professional grade spicy tex mex cheese dip that she so craves because at some point in her life she made the unthinkable decision to leave her home in queso country for a life of gluey clam chowders, sickeningly sweet baked beans, sinewy New York strips, salmonella horboring egg creams, snooty Waldorf salads, unmanageable cheesesteaks, unsavory scrapples and all the other disgusting “specialties” that pass for food east of the Sabine. Need the Texanisst go on? Before uprooting herself, Katy M forgot that what courses through her veins is the peppery melted cheese dish of her Texas home (the same is true of teh Texasnist, his doctors always tell him with alarm) Katy M now finds herself jonesing so hard that she doesnt understand the fact of the matter: There is no queso where she is because she is no longer where there is queso.
I nearly fell out of my chair laughing at this one! I was a little upset that the Texanist didnt beat Katy M up a little bit for calling it Queso Dip – it’s just called QUESO!!!! Not queso dip…not queso cheese (because really people, that’s just cheese cheese) and certainly not cheese dip! Ugh! People out here call it everything but simply QUESO! That being said…Rell and I have this conversation all the time…..why cant we find good Tex Mex food out here? And the Texanist answered our question so simply….because we are no longer where there is good tex mex!
The second question I read was priceless.
Q: How concerned should I be that the framed diploma on the wall of my vet’s office is from a school other than Texas A&M University? Name Withheld
A: It is a fact that Aggies do make fine veterinarians, but there are many other institutions of higher learning know to produce adequate animal doctors. Where you want to exercise caution is when you see a framed certificate of graduation from Texas A&M on the office wall of your therapist, tattooist, accountant, podatrist, lawyer, plumber, personal pastry chef, midwife, or football coach. These are all cause for grave concern.
Im not making this us people…..this is straight from Volume 37 Issue 2 of Texas Monthly. I cant help it if the texanist knows what he is talking about! As a Longhorn, I really appreciated this one!
One advantage of living in Arizona….it wasnt that hard for me to get the personalized license plate HOOKMMM….it should arrive in about 4 weeks. (I thought about doing AGIHTR again, but I figured people out here just wouldnt know what that stood for, unlike all my texas friends! I’ll unretire AGIHTR when we move back one day!)